


You Should Clean Your House More Than Once A Year, You Slobs.

by lesbonaruto



Category: Gintama
Genre: Dadtoki, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Shinpachi is So Done With These Two, Yorozuya Family, for some more shenanigans, gintoki is a bad role model, its the fam, just fluffy times, kagura is a little shit, mompachi, shinpachi deals with so much shit, theyre back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22262356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbonaruto/pseuds/lesbonaruto
Summary: The Yorozuya do some spring cleaning.
Relationships: Kagura & Sakata Gintoki & Shimura Shinpachi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 79





	You Should Clean Your House More Than Once A Year, You Slobs.

“Shinpachi, can you grab the vacuum cleaner?” Gintoki yelled behind him as he rounded the corner. “We need to do the floor.”

Once a year, every year, the Yorozuya would clean their house. Aside from the occasional efforts to tidy up (lead and directed by Shinpachi, who _didn’t even live there_ full time) this was the one time a year to get it done and out of the way. Last year Shinpachi had proposed a system of _two_ cleanings a year, but the idea was apparently so revolutionary it failed to catch on. Shinpachi remembered well when he’d arrived bright and early in November to a barred door that read “closed for repairs”. He banged on it in anger, yelling at the stupid permhead that he practically lived there thank you very much, they couldn’t just lock him out when they didn’t want to clean. Nevertheless, he came back the next day with an apron and a bucket, ready to clean, and happy to have the door sign gone. However, this time Kagura and Gintoki simply refused to acknowledge his presence, not budging one bit when he tried to get them to move. He tried to do a bare minimum of cleaning but Gin insisted on splaying himself across the couch, Kagura lay like a starfish on the floor, and overall it was very hard to get things done with Sadaharu sitting on his supplies! 

So, the biannual idea had yet to take hold. Shinpachi tried to have faith that one day he might be met with less resistance. After all, the two were known for nothing if not being lazy. 

Shinpachi was brought back to the present with a yell and a crash coming from the kitchen. Kagura must have fallen. He peeked his head through the kitchen door to see Kagura in the living room in a pile of manga and DVDs. She had clearly fallen while dusting the shelves, and had been assaulted by Gintoki’s disappointingly large collection of Shonen Jump during her efforts. Kagura lay on the floor in an apron that was far too large for her, hair pulled back with a cute headscarf that now lay askew. She was nursing her (slightly?) scraped knee, crying with far too much bravado for the tears to be real. Gintoki was beside her, trying to calm her down. 

“It’s ok, Kagura, Gin-san is here. Shhh, shh, it’s gonna be ok.” He said soothingly, patting her head and further messing up her hair. 

“Shut up, Gin-san! It’s your fault for having this much manga in the first place! It’s sick, sick I tell you, for an adult to own this much Shonen Jump. And look at your poor daughter, all hurt because of your addiction!” At this, the Yato girl pointed at her knee, which had already healed. 

Gintoki’s eyes narrowed as he raised an eyebrow. “You? My daughter? No daughter of mine would disrespect Shonen Jump like so!” 

Kagura ignored him and continued rambling. “Truly, this is a metaphor for the impact of addiction on a family, yes? First your parfait cravings, then the shonen manga, then the pachinko machines! Disgraceful!” 

“Oi, oi, oi, don’t you dare bring my parfait into this, you brat! I give you food and shelter, and this is how you repay me?” Gintoki furiously interrupted. 

“Oh yes, food and shelter, is that what you call owning a slave? You don’t even pay me!” Kagura said, raising her voice. 

“Hey!” Shinpachi interjected, the voice of reason as always, before the two could get into a wrestling match. “This is silly. Gintoki, she’s right, you don’t pay us, which is despicable, and you spend any money we have on silly things like the latest Boruto manga, which is garbage anyway and you know that! If you’re going to buy manga at least buy decent ones! And Kagura, it was just a scratch, and if you had been more careful you wouldn’t have gotten it. And I’ve seen you do a backflip with several bullet wounds, so I think a scratch isn’t going to kill you. Look it’s already healed!” Shinpachi yelled with one long breath, hands on his hips. 

Kagura and Gintoki looked at each other and smiled evilly. Oh god, thought Shinpachi. What have I done? 

“Oh Gin-san!” Kagura cried, flopping over on top of Gintoki dramatically. “I think I’m going to die! And Shinpachi is making light of my grievous injuries, how despicable!”

“Oh Kagura-chan!” Gintoki said, equally dramatic. “This lethal wound of yours will never heal! Oh how cruel, Shinpachi! Look what you’ve done!” They held each other, fake sobbing and nursing a wound that wasn’t even there. Kagura brought a hand up to her stomach as if to staunch a non-existent blood flow. Gintoki just threw his head back and wept. 

“Oh so she has a stomach wound now?” Shinpachi groaned, bringing one hand to the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes in frustration. He was aging years just by being around these two. Kagura continued coughing, and suddenly red spilled out of her mouth. This just served to deepen the crease between Shinpachi’s eyebrows.

“Where the hell did you get fake blood!? You know what, I don’t even want to know. I’m going back to washing the dishes.” Shinpachi said, utterly exasperated and bemoaning his role as the eternal straight man. Why couldn’t those two just be normal? He stepped back into the kitchen, muttering all the while. The walls were literally paper thin, so he could still hear Kagura and Gintoki as they continued their dramatic ‘Dying Kagura’ act. 

“Oh Gin-san…” Kagura rasped. “You know… I forgive you for buying all that Shonen Jump. It’s ok, you’re just a child at heart, yes?” 

“It’s ok Kagura, you don’t have to lie to appease Gin-san. Boruto really is garbage.” Gintoki replied, just as softly. 

Kagura failed to disguise a laugh as a cough. “It… is.” 

Shinpachi thanked whatever gods still listened when he heard the two stop. He supposed Kagura had finally kicked the metaphorical bucket. There was quiet for a while, just the sound of water running and dishes being washed, when the silence was interrupted. 

“Gin-san… I’m grateful and all that you happened to have a bottle of ketchup on you, but now my dress is all stained with ‘fake blood’. We must go to the dry cleaners, now.” 

Well, at least she was taking initiative to get something cleaned. 

“Yes, yes, you’re right Kagura, this is unacceptable. We must get your dress cleaned at once!” The two were almost out the door when a thought occurred to Shinpachi. He poked his head into the living room once again to see a giant ketchup stain on the floor where Kagura had been lying. 

“If you two think you’re getting out of here without cleaning this up, you’ve got another thing coming!” Shinpachi bellowed in fury. Gintoki and Kagura were already out the door, snickering. “Hey, come back here!” He yelled, banging open the front door. Kagura and Gintoki just dissolved into a greater fit of giggles. 

“Gin-san, Gin-san… do you see his face? It’s so red it looks like a tomato!” 

Gintoki laughed, clutching his side. “Did you hear the way he shrieked? Sounded like a harpy met a housewife!” 

Shinpachi stood in the door, face growing darker as he regarded the two troublemakers having a fit on the front stoop.

“You have five seconds to run.” Shinpachi said in a low voice. Kagura shrieked in laughter and took off, Gintoki right behind her. And if she put a little extra Yato strength into her running, it was probably for the best. Shinpachi was, after all, related to Otae Shimura. 

___________________

Suffice to say, no more cleaning got done that day. 

**Author's Note:**

> love this fam; found family is one of my all time favorite tropes (haha gay) and no one does it better than Gintama. hope you enjoyed, please drop a comment or kudos!


End file.
